My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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