So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
