dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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