i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All the doctor said was why
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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