I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
