I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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