i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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