hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
