Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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