i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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