I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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