I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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