Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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