i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
