look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
