Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
