So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
