I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.