saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.