Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
