Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize