i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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