you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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