There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
this hospital has no fireball
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
