I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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