fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
