Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Panties = found
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
