Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
