you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
