Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
