Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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