Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
