Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
