Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
