i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.