Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...

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  (205): I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand... http://tfl.nu/3a2z
  Replies (8) Good night (1607) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair

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  (805): So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair http://tfl.nu/hci6
  Replies (9) Good night (1802) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  but the lizard people decide everything anyway

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  (780): but the lizard people decide everything anyway http://tfl.nu/21qe
  Replies (27) Good night (3626) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.

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  (860): Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture. http://tfl.nu/0rjo
  Replies (18) Good night (4432) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

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  (508): right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy." http://tfl.nu/262w
  Replies (21) Good night (6504) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.

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  (403): This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy. http://tfl.nu/kmxm
  Replies (36) Good night (1661) Bad night (4728) Order T-Shirt
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  (894): View more from

  just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit

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  (894): just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit http://tfl.nu/2422
  Replies (16) Good night (7046) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.

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  (402): Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year. http://tfl.nu/x76y
  Replies (18) Good night (3530) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.

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  (248): I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back. http://tfl.nu/312y
  Replies (9) Good night (1636) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs

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  (403): Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs http://tfl.nu/f0zi
  Replies (3) Good night (2311) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.

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  (563): I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks. http://tfl.nu/3sv0
  Replies (3) Good night (1565) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?

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  (302): Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak? http://tfl.nu/m53g
  Replies (15) Good night (1447) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.

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  (734): the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity. http://tfl.nu/gric
  Replies (5) Good night (1340) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.

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  (607): Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun. http://tfl.nu/atlx
  Replies (6) Good night (450) Bad night (1715)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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  (818): Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great. http://tfl.nu/bj70
  Replies (1) Good night (489) Bad night (112) Order T-Shirt

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