i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered