Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
