I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
