I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
