My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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