my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
