well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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