one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
