You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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