clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize