She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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