Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
