why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize