Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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