people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
