Kiss
Puke
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
