Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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