If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
