Nicole vs. Life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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