Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it because I queefed?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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