oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
