I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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