You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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