I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
