She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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