well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
