You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
